With the Ashes only 10 days away, not only will there be the absence of Shane Warne's peroxide blond hair, Glenn McGrath's constant jibber-jabber at English batsman, and an England victory (most probably), but now, we won't even have the pleasure of enduring a bit of Australian 'banter' in the slip cordon. Cricket Australia has told it's current batch of warriors to tone down the talking, and get on with the cricket.
For decades, 'sledging' has been a major part of our game, in particular Ashes battles. In the last series down-under, Paul Collingwood and Shane Warne infamously came together while the latter was batting at the MCG. Collingwood told Warne he can't bat, and Warne being Warne replied by hammering Monty Panesar over mid-wicket for six before turning to Colly with the words "that's for you mate!". Now, without such confrontation, where are we going to get our fun from on a dull fifth day when both sides are playing for the draw? Sledging adds a bit of fire to an otherwise placid match, and gets the pulses racing.
One could argue that much of Australia's success has come from the sledging trade, as it were. Teams are afraid to take on the broad-shouldered, big-mouthed, statesmen, but now England have no such worry. Not that it would affect them anyway. Kevin Pietersen, Andrew Flintoff and colleagues were absolutely ribbed in 2005, but still triumphed, and with some of the calmest young cricketers on the planet, in the way of Alastair Cook and Ravi Bopara, now in the side, it is doubtful any words from Ponting and co. would have any affect whatsoever.
Ian Chappell is the man responsible for bringing such a thing into our game. He once said to a batsman, who shall remain unnamed, "that was a subtle as a sledgehammer", and from there on in, so came our wonderful verbal battles. And here, just for you, are the top 5 sledging quotes from our much loved cricketers:
1) Glenn McGrath v Eddo Brandes
'Pigeon', as he was known, was bowling to Zimbabwe's plump no.11, who was struggling to lay bat and ball. McGrath, being the old-stager he was, thought he'd have a cheeky pop at Brandes, and shouted directly at him: "Why are you so fat?". Brandes response, not to be outdone, was: "Because every time I shag your wife, she gives me a biscuit." Needless to say, Glenn kept his mouth shut after that.
2) Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
Thomas, the Glamorgan medium pacer, would have been forgiven for thinking he was on top of Viv Richards after beating the great West Indies batsman's bat a couple of times. He may have even been forgiven for saying to Viv: "It's big, it's round, and it's red in case you're wondering". However, after the next ball was resoundingly placed into the stands by Richards, followed by the words, "you know what it looks like, now go and fetch it", Thomas would have wished he'd kept his mouth firmly closed.
3) Merv Hughes v Robin Smith
Similar to the Richards/Thomas scenario, Hughes had beaten the edge of Smith's bat a couple of times, before giving the England batsman a piece of his mind, with the words: "You can't fucking bat mate." The next ball was hit for four, before Smith turned to Hughes and said: "Hey Merv. We make a great pair - I can't fucking bat, and you can't fucking bowl." What a match that must have been.
4) Rod Marsh v Ian Botham
Two big characters out in the middle, and as Botham arrived at the crease, Marsh greeted him with the words: "So how's your wife and my kids?" Rather distasteful Rodney.
5) Daryll Cullinan v Shane Warne
Daryll had had a few problems with Shane in the past, but only because he couldn't hit the ball. Warne dismissed Cullinan more times than any other bowler in his career. As Cullinan came to the crease, two years after he had last faced Warne (and been dismissed by him), Warne couldn't help but inform him of that situation: "I've been waiting two years for this moment". Cullinan's reply was a cheeky: "Looks like you spent it eating". Clever, Daryll. Clever.
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